As Good As Gold

I've been getting let down quite a bit lately. Whenever that happens, I usually think a lot about different quotes and stuff that kind of reassure me that I'm definitely right. Sad, I know. For example, when someone goes through some kind of hardship like losing a loved one in death... how people will say things like "just let me know if I can help" or "I will be there for you no matter what." Ok, first of all, you want to know if you can help? You think there's a chance this person won't need help after what they've been through? I think it would be safe to assume that even the crankiest loner-iest person on earth likes to have a companion, someone to depend on when times get tough. So why do people always seem to say the same useless, trite words of "comfort?"

In answer to that question, many might reason "they meant well." That's about as helpful as a bowl of ice in a blizzard. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I appreciate the thought, people, but that won't keep the snow from falling. Maybe I'm mixing my metaphors. Oh well. Very few things in life are as good as gold. They are as follows:

1.) Jehovah's promises (better than gold, but let's not get wrapped up in semantics)
2.) Gold
3.) Real friends, who intend to help...and follow through

One of my favorite poems is by Robert Frost called "Nothing Gold Can Stay" (I know, not very original, but check it out)

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay

Clearly, our friend Robert is quite the pessimist in this aspect, but I think I agree with him about 90 percent of the time. Usually, the beginning of all things is the most beautiful part of it (just like nature's first green, spring green!). Personally, I've noticed that it's almost impossible to retain that initial beauty ("but only so an hour" or a short period of time). It seems like as soon as things start to look beautiful, "leaf subsides to leaf," or things start to fade from perfection to devastation. You see, almost "nothing gold can stay."

Spring is over for me. Pocatello was my "Eden," and now it is my "grief." I can't tell you why. I think I've allowed my expectations to be too high too much, and now my heart has been broken so many times I can hardly put the pieces back together. At times of feeling so helpless, I like to remember the good things. I never would have met Liz and Jeremiah if we hadn't lived here. She is my sister for life, and if I hadn't met her I think my life would have always lacked a little bit of sunshine and love. Maybe there's more out there for me. Maybe grief is holding me back. I need to get rid of this "gold," and move on.

Anticipated Doctor's Appointment

I made it to the doctor on Thursday, and it really was something to look forward to! We left early, but getting into the car proved to be such a challenge, that we didn't end up going inside Starbucks. My dad went in with our orders (which we didn't leave up to chance that he would remember so we wrote them out for him!), and then we drove up to the drive-thru window to show the girls my wicked leg brace. They were jealous, I could tell. On the way to the doctor, we still had extra time so we took the long way. Driving in the university area always makes me happy especially in the springtime. Despite our fickle weather lately, I got to enjoy a beautiful sunny day with a calm cool breeze.

The trek into the office was horrible because I'm really very slow on my crutches, so I felt like every eye was on me as I slowly hobbled to a chair. When the nurse called my name, she on the far side for the sitting area, so I got up dreading the slow walk toward her. By the time they decided my stitches were not quite ready to come out, I was already feeling queasy. Then they told me I would be getting xrays. Great! I can't wait to see if my knee is straight! Oh, but I have to walk there? Forget it!

After the whole ordeal, ending up in a wheelchair and getting a new knee brace which allows for me to bend my knee up to 30 degrees (not that much), I was beyond exhausted. While I was extremely hungry, all I could think about was getting into bed. But I still had to get into and out of the car one more time! Who knew that going to the doctor could be such an energy draining ordeal? My immediate destination was bed.

It turned out to be a great doctor's visit, though. Here's why: I got 2 stitches out, I didn't end up passing out, I get to move my leg more, I have 2 screws in my tibia and my knee looks fantastic (on the inside). The tibia thing is good because I think that's cool, and it looked awesome on the xray. Hey, on Tuesday I'm going back to hopefully really get my stitches out. Then I get to start physical therapy on Wednesday. I can't wait to walk normally again!