Perfect Paradise

Today I write out of desperation, my last resort, my final attempt at finding some sort of solace in the chaotic hell my life has become. I haven't felt this internally out-of-control in several years. Explaining the situation will do no good. I only wish I could properly explain the way I'm feeling in words. Why does this always happen to the people I care about the most? Not that I would wish it on anyone else, but it seems like it all gets piled on at once.

I had lunch with a sister today who told me she thinks that we're even closer to the end of this system than even the brothers let on. She said she thinks we're actually in the Great Tribulation NOW! We're all waiting for this cry of peace and security, but what if it's already happened? What if the next thing we see is the destruction of false religion? Her logic made sense to me. Things have gotten worse than I could ever have imagined. Honestly, I think that if the Apostle Paul were on earth today even he would be shocked. My mom has now been battling cancer for more than half her life. I've personally suffered for more than 15 years with a disgusting disorder that has surprisingly not yet inspired me to take my own life. I've fought to reason with myself in times when reason is the furthest thing from my mind and spent countless nights crying myself to sleep wondering if it's even worth continuing to live. If these were isolated or seldom occurrences, it wouldn't prove anything. But really how common it is! And now, I see how much worse things are getting. We're all so wrapped up in the problems we've been facing for so many years that we can't even see that this system is tumbling to it's dramatic demise! Can we really not endure just a little while longer? Honestly, I don't know if I can.

In case anyone hasn't noticed yet, I try to make all the titles of my blogs "paradoxical" in some way. Can anyone tell if there really is such a thing as a perfect paradise?