Today I write out of desperation, my last resort, my final attempt at finding some sort of solace in the chaotic hell my life has become. I haven't felt this internally out-of-control in several years. Explaining the situation will do no good. I only wish I could properly explain the way I'm feeling in words. Why does this always happen to the people I care about the most? Not that I would wish it on anyone else, but it seems like it all gets piled on at once.
I had lunch with a sister today who told me she thinks that we're even closer to the end of this system than even the brothers let on. She said she thinks we're actually in the Great Tribulation NOW! We're all waiting for this cry of peace and security, but what if it's already happened? What if the next thing we see is the destruction of false religion? Her logic made sense to me. Things have gotten worse than I could ever have imagined. Honestly, I think that if the Apostle Paul were on earth today even he would be shocked. My mom has now been battling cancer for more than half her life. I've personally suffered for more than 15 years with a disgusting disorder that has surprisingly not yet inspired me to take my own life. I've fought to reason with myself in times when reason is the furthest thing from my mind and spent countless nights crying myself to sleep wondering if it's even worth continuing to live. If these were isolated or seldom occurrences, it wouldn't prove anything. But really how common it is! And now, I see how much worse things are getting. We're all so wrapped up in the problems we've been facing for so many years that we can't even see that this system is tumbling to it's dramatic demise! Can we really not endure just a little while longer? Honestly, I don't know if I can.
In case anyone hasn't noticed yet, I try to make all the titles of my blogs "paradoxical" in some way. Can anyone tell if there really is such a thing as a perfect paradise?
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I noticed. There really is a perfect paradise, and it is within anyones reach. All we have to do is work toward it. There is no argument around that can stand up to the truth, the truth always stands firmly in place where all who want to recognize it may. It is what we as stubborn humans do once we see this truth that matters. It is so easy to make excuses or even blame someone else for the bad choices or acts that we perform, but ultimately we have only ourselves to blame for not seeing the truth for what it actually is, the truth. simply that.
ReplyDeleteI agree we HAVE to be in the final days. Things are so out of control in the world, but yet as we whirl more and more out of control, we realize that things do get a little worse than we thought possible, and we do cling on to our hope, knowing its only "just a little while longer." Hang in there sweetheart, look ahead, Jehovah is reaching for your hand, wanting you to take firm hold. Look behind you, your family is pushing you up to reach Jehovah's hand. We are all here for you!
Thanks for the encouraging words, Mom! I know it sounds like I'm giving up, but I'm not. I just look around sometimes and feel hopeless. You're right, though, we just need to surround ourselves with positive things and depend on the help of real friends and of course, Jehovah.
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