Here I sit, 3 in the morning, nowhere else to turn but an empty computer screen, filled with disgusting dark memories and feelings from my past. Who knew six years would mean such little advancement for me psychologically? After six years, today I realize that this meaningless, insignificant blog is my only outlet for all the pain I hold. This is my alternative. THIS is what I turn to instead of a knife. What progress I've made...
Excuse me for my psychotic outburst. Typing is the only thing keeping me detained right now. Writing these worthless, mute words is the only thing keeping me sane. "I always try to make you feel comfortable because I see you don't have a lot of friends." Stab me instead of saying those words. It would hurt so much less.
I am sick of happy endings in movies. Idealistic, unrealistic portrayals of human interactions just give us false hope of how our lives could turn out. I will never have a "happy ending." Why can't I resign myself to that fact?
Do me a favor: let me bleed. That's how I heal.
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This world stinks!!! People can be so obsessed with the idea that they "have" to have tons of friends, but the thing is, is like I have said before, superficially speaking, anyone can have "tons" of "friends". The daunting question is, Do I have a TRUE friend? My dearest Katie, you do! I can think of a few! I am one of those true friends and the thought of how lonely you get justs pains me. I often refer to myself as the invisible woman, and rightly so. But to this invisible woman, you are one of my VERY few close true friends and I hope that matters to you! Most importantly, Jehovah is your closest friend. He feels pain every time one of his creations stab you with their callous, selfish thoughtless words. Surround yourself with people who have taken the time to get to know the real person who makes you such a wonderful treat, and to all those selfish ones, shame on them! some day they will realize just how beautiful you are.
ReplyDeleteI am thankful to have you in my life, if I didn't, I would be very alone. Let's resolve ourselves to be happy with today, and all that Jehovah unselfishly gives to us in abundant portions!